


But I Carry This Feeling

by paperairplanesopenwindows



Series: The ClintNatLaura Cinematic Universe (aka Gay Polyamorous Love Stops Thanos) [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, It's gonna get better! I promise!, Jealousy, Multi, Non graphic discussion of injuries, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Smut, Threesome, angsty sex, poor communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:15:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23724424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperairplanesopenwindows/pseuds/paperairplanesopenwindows
Summary: “No, um,” Laura fidgeted. “You know, well. Clint and I were so scared when the Triskelion fell. We were so worried about you. We were terrified of you not coming home to us. And so we talked about some...things and we both care about you deeply and,” She paused again and looked frustrated. “I just don’t know what to say, is the thing.”
Relationships: Clint Barton/Laura Barton/Natasha Romanov
Series: The ClintNatLaura Cinematic Universe (aka Gay Polyamorous Love Stops Thanos) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571932
Comments: 10
Kudos: 43





	But I Carry This Feeling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kiss_me_cassie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiss_me_cassie/gifts).



> so kiss_me_cassie prompted "Pure smut. I'm easy like that. ;)" for the [fyeahclintnatlaura promptathon](https://fyeahclintnatlaura.tumblr.com/) over on tumblr and I was like "Sweet! I'll write a prequel to Good People since she liked that so much!" and uh.....this? Happened? Hopefully you like it CC it's real angsty. 
> 
> Betaed by the wonderful [why_didnt_i_get_any_soup](https://archiveofourown.org/users/why_didnt_i_get_any_soup) who seriously saved this fic when I was about ready to pull my hair out from frustration with it. I seriously owe you a drink when this quarantine is over. 
> 
> SOME WARNINGS: There's an odd dynamic here because, while everyone is consenting and engaged, the narrating character is at times overwhelmed with what is happening. There's also some anti polyamory language towards the end, which neither the author or the character agree with (the character is being self hating and applying the language to themselves). 
> 
> Title from Stevie Nicks's song "Leather and Lace" because I'm dealing with quarantine by getting /really/ into Fleetwood Mac.

Normally, the drive from the airport to the Barton’s farm would soothe Natasha. But today, she felt wound up and tense as the drive took her past the familiar fields and farm signage that led her from the airport to the house. She’d meant to come back sooner, but between SHIELD falling, the senate hearings, and providing assistance to the hunt for the Winter Soldier, it had been a few weeks before she had been able to make excuses and board a plane. 

Clint was sitting on the porch when she pulled up in her car. For a moment, she just sat in the switched off car, watching him get to his feet and head towards her. Then, with a long exhale, she got out of the car. 

“Hey,” Clint said, wrapping her in a hug as soon as she was in reach. “How was the drive?” 

“Just fine,” she said, voice muffled in his chest. “Watch my shoulder.” 

He pulled back. “Which one?” 

“Left. Got shot.” At Clint’s worried expression, she rolled her eyes. “It’s fine, all flesh. I got medical treatment quickly.” 

“Ok,” Clint said, clearly skeptical. He’d probably want to look at it later and Natasha didn’t blame him. If the positions were reversed, she’d want to see his injuries too. 

Clint ushered her inside. “Come on in, I’m sure Laura wants to do a fingers and toes count.” 

“Are the kids here?” 

Clint shook his head. “No, we took them to Laura’s parents when you said you were coming.” 

“Alright.” They usually took the kids to the grandparents when there had been a rough mission, so no surprises there. “How worried is Laura?”

Clint’s mouth quirked. “She’s been stress baking,” he said, as he opened the front door. 

“That bad huh?” 

He chuckled before calling, “Laura! She’s here!”

Laura poked her head out of the kitchen and her face broke into a delighted smile. “Natasha!” There was flour smeared all over her face and apron, so Natasha could tell even without Clint saying that there had been a lot of stress baking earlier. “Let me take this off and then I’ll come over and hug you.” 

“Don’t bother,” Natasha said, moving towards her so she could give her a tight hug. “I don’t mind a little flour.”

Laura giggled and hugged back equally as tight. Natasha pressed her face against her hair. Laura always smelled like clean soap and fresh air, now mingled with the smell of freshly baked cookies. She took a deep breath in before they broke apart. 

“How are you?” Laura squeezed her hands. “I don’t see anything. Did you really make it out of the Triskelion ok?” 

Natasha squeezed her hand back. “I’m fine.” 

“She got shot,” Clint said from behind her. 

Natasha scowled. “Traitor,” she muttered, “Now Laura’s going to be all Mama Bear over me tonight.” 

Laura clucked her tongue. “I made you cookies. I’m allowed to be a little Mama Bear.” 

“What kind of cookies?” Natasha asked. 

“What else? Snickerdoodle.” 

Natasha pretended to consider. “I suppose I can take some doting if they are snickerdoodles.” 

Laura gave a little fist pump. “Score one for Laura. Now come into the kitchen so I can feed you and you can tell us the whole story.”

  
  
  


The normalcy of the Barton’s farm always had two competing effects on Natasha. One was that it made her calmer, more settled, more introspective. It was the best place to be after a rough mission, Laura and Clint coddling her when they felt she needed it and giving her projects to keep her busy when she didn’t. She’d read and watch movies she’d missed and take the kids out on field trips to give the adults a much needed break. 

The other effect was that it made her extremely jealous. 

Usually it was easy to tamp that feeling down. There was no time to be jealous when helping Laura in the garden, or reading to the kids, or helping Clint dismantle another room of the house. But now, with her emotions decimated from the collapse of SHIELD, it was all too easy to give into the stomach clenching jealousy that rose up every time Clint and Laura leaned into each other. 

They always made her feel welcome and included and were affectionate with her in so many ways. Clint would drape his arms around her shoulders when they sat on the couch together, Laura would rest her chin on her shoulder. But any time the two of them kissed or cuddled each other, Natasha had to suppress a craving that rose in her like no other. 

Tonight was no exception. They’d settled on the couch to watch a movie that Natasha was barely following, one of those car movies that there really wasn’t anything to follow anyway. Laura was cuddled into Clint’s side, clearly zoned out while her eyes were fixed on the tv. She didn’t even seem to notice every time Clint grinned at her and pressed a kiss into her hair, but Natasha did. 

She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be Laura or Clint in that scenario. 

As the movie drew to a close, she stood up and feigned a yawn. “I think I’ll head up,” she said. 

Laura and Clint shared a glance. “You sure?” he asked. 

“The flight took a lot out of me,” Natasha said. A blatant lie and from his expression, he probably knew it. “I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Wait,” Laura said, also standing. “We wanted to talk to you about something.” 

“Oh?” Natasha said. 

Laura and Clint exchanged looks, having an entire conversation out of pointed eyebrow raises. Finally, Natasha cut in. “Maybe it should wait until morning?”

“No, um,” Laura fidgeted. “You know, well. Clint and I were so scared when the Triskelion fell. We were so worried about you. We were terrified of you not coming home to us. And so we talked about some...things and we both care about you deeply and,” She paused again and looked frustrated. “I just don’t know what to say, is the thing.”

“Okay,” Natasha said, “I’m listening.”

Laura bit her lip. “Maybe if I just show you,” she muttered to herself and then she leaned forward. 

She kissed Natasha and Natasha felt like she had been plunged into a swifty moving river. 

The kiss was as soft as she’d always imagined it’d be. Soft and hesitant, Laura’s hands curving around her waist like a question, like she wasn’t sure she’d be welcome. Natasha let her arms come up and drift over Laura’s shoulders as an answer. Laura’s hands tightened at her waist then. Her full concentration on Laura was broken by Clint coming up behind her, his larger hands framing her hips. His lips found her neck, but just rested there, awaiting his turn. 

Natasha parted from Laura and, instinctively, raised up on her toes to kiss Clint in the same way. The stretch made her feel more grounded, like her head had come up from the waves for a gulp of air. But once her lips connected with Clint’s, the underwater feeling came back full force. She’d kissed him before, on missions when they needed the cover. Those kisses were quick, perfunctory, one eye open while they pretended to be completely enthralled with one another. This one she could savor, could dart her tongue out to caress his, could listen to him moan. 

When she and Clint parted, Laura cupped Natasha’s face in her hands. “Come to bed with us,” she pleaded quietly. “Please.” 

Her face was so open, so longing. Natasha couldn’t see Clint’s face, but could feel his cheek pressed against her hair. 

Slowly, she let herself nod. “Ok,” she said, “Yes.” 

The delighted smile that spread across Laura’s face seared itself into her memory. Natasha let herself be pulled into the master bedroom and pushed gently onto the giant bed. Laura and Clint slid onto either side of her, bracketing her with their arms. 

“Tell us if we do anything that you don’t like,” Clint said. “Or if you want to stop.” 

Natasha nodded, but it was clear he wanted words out of her. “Yes,” she said, “okay.” 

Clint smiled. “Okay,” he repeated back to her. He cupped her cheek to kiss her again. Laura reached around him to begin unbuttoning Natasha’s shirt. 

She lets herself sink into his kissing, moving as Laura’s gentle tugging on her told her she needed to. Laura had her shirt slipped off and discarded in short order and her bra followed. 

“Do you know how long we’ve wanted this? How long we’ve wanted you?” Clint murmured between kisses, as they escalated, becoming more urgent. 

“So long,” Laura added, as she unclothed herself as quickly as she possibly could. She gently nudged Clint aside. “Let me,” she said, before taking over kissing Natasha. She stroked Natasha’s hair and pressed kisses against her mouth, jaw, and neck as Clint finished disrobing himself. 

When he was done, he settled on the other side of Natasha and tugged Laura up a little. Natasha chased Laura’s lips and Laura laughed as they pulled apart. 

“Logistics?” Clint asked. 

“Let’s. Hm,” Laura said, her forehead wrinkling in thought, “I don’t want to put pressure on her shoulder.” 

“I can go wherever you want me,” Natasha said. 

“I’ve got it,” Clint said, “Nat, sit up a little more.” 

Natasha slid up on the pillows, resting her back and shoulders higher, her feet going flat on the bed. Clint leaned over and put his mouth next to Laura’s ear. “There you go. Room to work with.” 

Laura’s eyes lit up. “You genius,” she said, before she reached down between Natasha’s legs. Her hand traced Natasha’s thigh. “Okay?” she asked, her eyes searching Nat’s. 

“Yes,” Natasha breathed out excitedly. 

Laura smiled and crept her fingers up Natasha’s thigh to rub at her clit. Natasha let her head fall back and gasped at the sensation. Laura’s fingers were gentle, prodding, feeling out what made Natasha gasp and shake. 

“That’s my girl,” Laura breathed back. She leaned across Natasha’s body to kiss her again. “God, you’re beautiful.” 

Clint’s hands, rough with calluses, slid between them to caress Natasha’s sides and breasts. “Good?” he asked. 

Natasha could only nod. Laura’s fingers rubbed her a little harder and she gasped again. 

Clint leaned over to gaze into Laura’s eyes. “You want to taste her, don’t you?” Laura whimpered in response. “Is that okay, Natasha?” 

Natasha nodded again. Clint clicked his tongue at her. 

“Use your words, baby.” 

Natasha glared at him. “Don’t call me baby.” 

Clint grinned. “Then what? Honey? Darling? Lover?”

Natasha opened her mouth to retort, but at that moment Laura sealed her mouth over her clit and her words were cut off in a moan. Laura slid her fingers into her and Natasha found herself gasping and moaning louder and louder as Laura’s mouth became more eager against her. 

Clint hovered over Laura. “How does she taste?” he asked her. His fingers stroked her hips and then moved back, between Laura’s legs. “You don’t have to answer that. I can tell just from how soaked you are.” 

Laura laughed, which caused Natasha to shiver. 

She felt more than saw Clint pushing into Laura. Laura cried out against her pussy, her free hand pressed to Natasha’s thigh clenching and unclenching. “Clint,” she gasped out, reaching a hand back to grip at her husband. 

“Focus on Natasha. Get her off,” he said, but he kissed Laura before she went back to the place she had between Natasha thighs. 

The world narrowed to Clint and Laura fucking over her as Laura ate her out. Natasha couldn’t keep her eyes off of them, even as she began to reach her peak. She memorized the way that Clint’s hips jolted into Laura, how his fingers clenched at her hips, how Laura’s concentration was broken every few moments to pant or moan. Natasha tried to slide her own fingers to her clit, but Laura batted them away. “Let me,” she breathed out and Clint slowed a little as she concentrated full force on Natasha. Her orgasm took her by surprise and as Laura’s clever tongue pushed her over the edge, Natasha cried out her name. 

“She said my name,” Laura gloated and Clint gave a gasping laugh. Her hands, no longer busy with Natasha, went between her own legs as Clint picked up the pace and soon she too was crying out, whatever sound she made unintelligible. Clint followed with a groan and the two of them collapsed, Laura still between Natasha’s legs and Clint on top of her, the three of them struggling to catch their breath. Natasha found herself playing with Clint’s hair and he arched into her hand at little, making a happy noise. Laura caught Natasha’s eye and grinned at that and Natasha, suddenly feeling overwhelmed, looked away. 

Finally, Laura pushed at Clint. 

“Let me up. Gotta go to the bathroom.” He flopped over so that he was lying next to Natasha, who stared up at the ceiling. Gently, he touched her cheek. 

“Was that good for you?” Clint said. 

Somehow, Natasha found her voice. “Yeah,” she croaked out, “Yes.” 

Clint’s smile was blinding. “Good.” He cupped her cheek. “I’m so glad we finally-” He broke off. “We have wanted you here, with us, for a very long time.” 

“So long,” Laura agreed, emerging from the bathroom. Natasha couldn’t help but flick her eyes up and down Laura’s naked form and the other woman laughed. “Thank you, Natasha.” She leaned over and kissed Natasha gently. 

“You’re welcome,” Natasha said, for lack of anything else to say. With both Clint and Laura’s eyes on her, she found herself squirming almost uncomfortably. “Do you want me to stay in here tonight or-”

“Yes,” Clint and Laura said, almost simultaneously. 

“You can have the end,” Laura said, maneuvering herself to be in the middle. “I can suffer through the wet spot.” 

Natasha moved over and Laura curled up against her. Clint stroked Natasha’s arm before he turned out the light. 

“Night, Nat,” he said, “Night, Laura. Love you.”

“Love you too,” Laura said back. 

Natasha couldn’t find it in her to say anything. 

Clint and Laura both slept like the dead, but Natasha laid awake, even as her body tried to relax into sleep. The tension that had been wrung out of her had returned and she stared at the ceiling, her thoughts circling. 

There was a long list of reasons she’d never given into her want for Clint and Laura and now that she was no longer swept up in the heady rush of their hands and mouths on her, the pragmatism set in. 

She slipped out of bed, pausing a moment to make sure neither of them woke, and then headed downstairs, collecting her clothing that had been shed as she went. 

Laura and Clint had spent nearly half their lives together, were married, had _children_. There was no place, no room, for a third person in their lives. If any...arrangement was to be made between the three of them, Natasha would have to be hidden from everyone, be a secret kept from the public eye. 

And Natasha was the first person to know how secrets could poison a relationship, how they could be plucked and twisted and leave devastation behind. 

She sat heavily down on the couch, wrapping her arms around herself, staring blankly at the wall in front of her. She couldn’t let her relationship with Clint and Laura be ruined. Clint, who had saved her, who she owed a debt, who had taught her what friendship was. Laura, who had shown her a life outside of being a spy, who had accepted her without question. And the kids, who only knew her as Auntie Nat, the silly Aunt who loved stories and board games and would race them to the barn and-

Her phone vibrated, pulling her from her tangled thoughts and she dove for it. It was Steve calling and she answered it, thankful for the distraction.

“Hello?”

“Hey.” Steve sounded tired. “This a bad time? I called without thinking and now I realize it’s the middle of the night.” 

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I answered the phone, didn’t I?” She forced cheer into her voice. “What’s up?” 

“I’m back in New York.” 

“Really?” Natasha said, surprised. She sat up. “This soon? I thought you’d be-” 

“Sam’s still searching in Europe, but the trail’s pretty cold.” She could hear the frown in his voice. “And Tony called, he wants the band back together.” 

“Really?” 

“Really. Think you can find Barton? Tony wants everyone. You’ll probably get a call from him yourself later today.” 

“I can probably track him down.” She stood up, mind still whirling, but now with a set goal. “I’ll be there later today.” 

“Ok,” there was a smile now, “See you soon then. Say hi to Barton when you talk to him.” 

“Will do,” Natasha said, even though she knew she wouldn’t. 

“See you soon, Nat.” 

They hung up. Natasha went into the kitchen and pulled the notepad that was hanging on the fridge down. 

_Clint and Laura,_

_Steve called and said he needed me in New York. I guess the Avengers are getting back together. Clint will probably get a call from Stark later._

She went to hang it up, but her heart gave a little guilty twist until she added, _Give my love to the kids_. 

There. She hung the notepad back up and tiptoed around the house to gather her things. It wasn’t the first time she’d come to the house only to immediately be called on a mission and leave. There was nothing different about this, she tried to convince herself, even as her heart gave another guilty twist. 

She spared one final glance upstairs and then headed out the door. 

When Laura called an hour later, she let it go to voicemail. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Moral of the story: When attempting to invite your best friend into a triad relationship, be explicitly clear that's what you're doing before having sex with her and then maybe she won't feel the need to run off with the Incredible Hulk.


End file.
